This is an entry that is long overdue, and there's so much to say since my last update.
Honestly, I don't know that anybody still uses or skims through xanga anymore, but that doesn't matter to me.
If nobody in the world except one person reads this, then I'd be happy.
But he'd make me happy even without reading it.

I started off this entry with not just a couple paragraphs, but a novella of a monologue, ranting and making note of all the highlights of the two years since my last update. Then, somewhere along the line I realized that none of that matters because my life doesn't revolve around the past, but on the present and the future. Halfway into chapter one of my summary of the last two years, the name of my present and future appeared on my laptop screen. Kevin called through skype, and we talked for a bit. I know that the only two people in the world that will probably read this post already know who Kevin is,
but let's go through introductions for shits and giggles.

Seven months ago, today, I stumbled into the best relationship of my life. I have never had a friend or boyfriend kinder, sweeter, more loving, or more lovable than Kevin; I knew from the get-go that he was different from every other boy I'd ever met in my life. In all honesty, seven months ago I had no idea what I was getting into or what to expect. I don't exactly have the best track record when it comes to relationships of any kind. Fear kept me alert and wound itself tightly around me (almost suffocatingly),
keeping my two feet on the ground where I was always told they belonged.
Back then, I had no idea how wrong I was to be afraid of anything at all.

We met in the fall of 2010, because he and I were in Abby's tennis class. I remember the first time I noticed him, it was on the court and he caught my eye because he was the best player out of the rest of us. Yet every time after that, he always seemed- busy, or preoccupied. We made small talk here and there, but on the last day of class, when our class was instructed to play out matches he and I simply sat with our backs to the fence and talked the hour or so that we had. Time passed, and the next time I saw him was in our Intro to Film class with Dr. Ritchie. Out of a class of some 50+ people, I saw his familiar face in the back of the room so I sat by him and his fraternity brother. We exchanged numbers and later I invited him over to my sister's apartment to hang out because school had been cancelled the next day for snow. I remember how cold it was, how drunk we all were, and how upset everybody else was when the R.D. came up with public safety to write down the names of the 40-something people that were partying too loud in the small four bedroom apartment. But I especially remember our first kiss. It lacked in your typical romance, not to mention sobriety, but it was our own and it was the first of countless. The next Monday was Valentine's Day and he took me to dinner on our first date, and I remember talking throughout the entire night. Seven months later, and we still haven't run out of things to talk about.. Which is kind of a big deal for me, taking into consideration my incredibly short attention span and lack of enthusiasm for most people's company- no matter how many hours, days, or weeks I spend with him, the moment he has to leave my side or I, his, time always seems to be too short. No matter how many times I kiss him, or hug him, or run my fingers through his hair.. The moment I'm not around him I always wish I'd done it just a few times more. I think that in light of everything that I've been through in the last 20 years of my life (Oh yeah, diary, I'm 20 now. Only one more year until I can stop playing 'Who-wants-to-buy-my-alcohol?') it's safe to say that I have a dangerously addictive personality. From smoking to drinking to.. Well, a lot of other things, I get addicted to things more quicker than most, and have a harder time quitting than I should. Out of all the things I have ever been addicted to, there is one thing in my life that I don't think I'll ever satisfy my need for, and- bear with me because I know this is going to sound cheesy as hell, but here it goes- his name is Kevin Paletskih. He's my everything, A-Z, start to finish, heart and soul, love of my life, and any other romantic cliché you could possibly come up with.

I grew up a cynic. I kind of dated in high school, but never really seriously dated until college, and even then the universe decided to stick every liar, cheater, user and psychotic jerk in front of my path before I finally gave up on boys. Funny thing, I actually proclaimed "Fuck it, I'm done with guys. I'm sick of this bullshit, I'm done." Literally, not even a week later, Kevin and I had our first kiss. Then we started dating, and four months into our relationship we moved in together (for the summer). It was the best summer of my life, and we didn't have to go anywhere to make it so. The last seven months have been, for lack of a better word, perfect, and I have never been happier with another person.

I have no idea where we'll be in another seven months, or seven years, but if I'm with Kevin, then I've got a feeling I'll be happy. I know people say it all the time and that 'kids my age' are too young to know what they really want in life- in all honesty, it's true, I have no fucking clue what I want to be when I grow up- I just know I want to be with him.

Babe, if you're reading this and you've gotten this far... Three things.
First, I could try to string together a million words in hopes of trying to tell you how much I love you,
but it wouldn't do my emotions justice.
Second, I am so thankful to God for having you in my life; you are the sweetest, kindest,
most caring, and lovable boyfriend and I am the luckiest girl in the world to have you.
Third, I don't care how far apart we are, we could be a thousand miles apart and it wouldn't matter to me.
I still love you and you are my world.

It doesn't matter to me what you say,
because there is such a thing as 'perfect' in this world, and it's you.

P.S. Happy seven months ♥

P.P.S. I know I said I'd go to sleep and wouldn't post this up until tomorrow, but I couldn't wait. I had to let my creativity flow out of me haha.♥

...

[end blog]